


miss u/love u

by hyaccinth



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, M/M, Shangst Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2018-11-19 00:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11302179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyaccinth/pseuds/hyaccinth
Summary: Lance is completely head over heels for the Garrison's golden boy, Takashi Shirogane, and it catches him by surprise when they start having a fling after a simple tutoring class. However Lance doesn't know the extent of Shiro's feelings and he is terrified to find out. He convinces himself into sorting things out after Shiro gets back from the Kerberos mission; except he never comes back.A year later and Lance meets Shiro again; a prostetic arm, a scar across his nose, and no memory of their unsolved relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i got some comments asking me to make this a multi-chaltered so here it is! each day i will update with a small to medium chapter about this au in the respective shangst week trope.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 1: garrison/voltron

Lance twists the edge of his Garrison uniform in his hands. With a final deep breath, the boy knocks on the white metal door in front of him and waits. Anxiety is curling around his guts like a wicked serpent for a week now, but today feels like it is going to give the final lunge. 

"Coming!" The voice behind the door is music to Lance's ears, and when it opens, the man in front of him is a sight for sore eyes. "Hello there, handsome." Shiro smiles brightly and Lance can't help but smile back. How could he not?

Lance's anxiety melts like honey as he steps inside the room and slides his arms around Shiro's neck, but it still burns nonetheless. "Hello, gorgeous."

They don't waste any time with small talk, both of them know what is just around the corner and they don't have much time left. Lance tries his hardest to memorize every inch of Shiro's mouth, every curve of his body and every breath, while he's still here. But oh how hard it is to even think when strong hands are holding him so securely, so sure, when he is being kissed so love and passionately. When Lance's very heart is overflowing with all kinds of emotions and all of them revolve around the man who's taking his breath away. 

Back then, Lance didn't think he would fall so hard for the Garrison's Golden Boy. It was just a tutoring class, it was just playfully, meaningless flirting. But Shiro made it so hard to not be completely head over heels with him. A few charming smiles, a few too intimate touches, a few longingly stares and both of them were absolutely smitten with each other. It started with an innocent peck on the lips, which evolved to messy, desperate make outs at the empty study room. Lance was in love, and it would be the best fucking thing if only he knew if Shiro loved him back in the same level or they were only doing this to end with the sexual tension. Did their late night conversations mean as much to Shiro as when they took off each other's clothes in his dark room? 

Now Shiro is going away and he would never know. Lance holds back the tears that are threatening to fall. If he cries, Shiro will stop kissing him and that is the last thing Lance needs right now. He wants to be kissed into oblivion by the man he loves so wholeheartedly. 

Lance tightens his grip on Shiro's shoulders, his hands tremble and his chest hurts. 

Shiro parts away and sighs heavily. He looks down at Lance. He _sees_ the adoration in Shiro's eyes, but he can't bring himself to believe it. "Lance, we should talk about... this."  _Whatever we are._

Lance winces. When Shiro touches that subjects it's like poking a fresh wound. Lance _wants_ to spread all the cards on the table, to settle his doubts for once, but he's a coward that is too afraid Shiro will end the best thing that has ever happened to him. 

Shiro strokes Lance's cheeks. "When I get back I want us to—"

"Don't." His voice cracks. Lance shuts his eyes tightly in an attempt to brush away the burning behind them. "Don't say anything when you're about to flight off to space for a year. Just come back. We'll pick it up from then in however way you want. Okay?"

Shiro sighs heavily. "Anything for my Sharpshooter." Shiro plants a longingly kiss on Lance's forehead. The simple gesture hurts so much. "I'll get back to you." He isn't supposed to make any promises, but this is Shiro and those simple five words are a silent vow. 

"I should go." Lance backs away hesitantly, but keeps their hands intertwined. "You launch in two hours, right?"

"Yeah, but I have to be at the hangar in half an hour." Shiro pouts. It's adorable. Lance will remember it forever. 

"Good luck, my hero." Lance places one last kiss on Shiro's lips and takes all his energy into smiling confidently at him.

"Thank you, Lance." Shiro's voice is filled to the brim with honesty. 

As soon as he steps outside the room and the door closes behind him, Lance can't fight the tears anymore.

His only hopes cling to Shiro's silent promise of coming back. 

Lance's world shatters when he doesn't. 

*

"Nice, Lance! That's why we bring our Sharpshooter!" Shiro's voice barge through the intercom. 

"Yep!" Lance smiles cockily, swiftly hiding any of the pain he's feeling. After all this time he's a master at doing that. 

When Lance had seen Shiro in Pidge's laptop on the Garrison's roof, it was like his world had gained color again. He looked different but Lance knew it was still Shiro. It brought back old wounds, but finding out Shiro had no memory of him whatsoever opened up new ones even bigger. A year and a half had passed and Lance was still a coward that couldn't confront Shiro, which led to him hiding their past relationship — if you can call it that. 

Turns out, hiding his secret was way harder than he expected. Everyone in the team knows about it by now, they look at him pitifully, they try to leave Shiro and Lance alone, but Lance is the one who has to do the first move. But he _can't._  Deep down, he still expects Shiro to grab him by the shoulders and demand him to talk to him about the past. 

How can he bring that up, though?  _Hey do you remember when we used to suck each other's dick? Haha, good times, wanna do it again? I'll go first!_

They are defendants of the freaking Universe now, and Shiro is their honorable leader, bringing a whole relationship back to his memory would just add up to the list of things he has to worry about. Lance is okay with never knowing whether his feelings were ever reciprocated before. He's pretty sure Shiro was going to break things off with him that last day before the launch anyway. Shiro forgetting about him is for the better, and it should remain like this.

Lance just wishes he could forget about him too. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 2: anger/depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a little late, sorry y'all, but here it is

Lance lets out a loud, pained groan as he follows Hunk inside the main room of the Castleship, hand rubbing his nape over the tight black under-suit of his armor. They had just fought three robeasts for hours long and barely managed to get out. All five paladins, even Allura and Coran, completely wasted to the core.

"Great work today, guys." Shiro tries his best to sound cheerful, but the exhaustion is clear in his voice.

Lance would love to lay down after a long day and cuddle him until they fall asleep in each other's arms and... 

_No! Bad Lance!_

“For a second I thought we wouldn't make it.” Pidge confesses, collapsing next to Keith on the couch in the center of the room.

“When Yellow lost her power I swear I saw the light at the end of the tunnel,” Hunk wines, talking off his helmet. “But it turned out to be one of the robeast’s deadly lazed coming in my direction.”

Keith giggles weakly at that. “You're welcome for saving you.”

The conversation fades away in the background of Lance’s head as his body leans against the nearest surface. He’s both mentally and physically drained, from the battle, from the homesickness, from his suppressed feelings. Everything is weighing down on him like gravity.

"Lance?" Shiro voice is distant, like in a dream, and the wall he’s leaning on vibrated with it.

Oh. Lance snaps his eyes open with almost panic when he becomes aware of where exactly he is leaning against. Shiro’s chest, where he had laid on so many times in Shiro’s room back on Earth, what now seems to be decades ago.  
  
"Oh," Lance yelps, stepping away like he's been electrocuted — and he might as well have. "Sorry, the battle worn me out," He smiles melancholically, but it comes off as apologetic. Perhaps it had been unintentional, or perhaps Lance misses Shiro too much.

"It's fine," The way Shiro smiles at him reminds Lance of their days at the Garrison. It's so genuine and so _his Shiro_ it hurts like fucking hell. It's too much. “You can stay.”

"I'll be leaving," Lance blurts out, voice cracking. "Don't miss me much."

He doesn't wait for any kind of acknowledgment before exiting the room. He can feel everyone's concerned eyes on his back but he can't bring himself to care.

Lance knows the team noticed him avoiding them — especially Shiro —, they noticed Lance only ever coming out of his room when the alarms blast all over the Castleship. He is thankful for Hunk leaving cookies at his door, but he’s not hungry. He appreciate Pidge lending him their phone, but he’s too busy crying in bed. Even Keith offered to spar, but he's too weak to stand up without everything spinning. He’s actually surprised he’s been managing to go on missions without passing out. 

In the cold air of the corridors, Lance lets the tears burn his eyes and stain his cheeks, he is too tired to hold back. He can't do this anymore. It's exhausting to fight off every single emotion, every action and reaction. And being so close to Shiro all the damn time doesn't help his case in any way.

Somehow, Lance manages to get to his room, he’s done that path so many times it's become automatic. Almost lifeless, he dresses off the heavy blue armor and puts it aside. Alone in his bathroom, the reflection that stares back at Lance in the mirror isn't pretty. At all. Dark bags under swollen eyes, overgrown hair and dirty face with streaks across his cheeks. It's pitiful. But that is exactly how he's feeling — a reflection of his very soul.

Six months and you'd think Lance would have moved on. You'd think he would have forgotten about how Shiro's lips feel when he's fighting for his life in the middle of freaking space. Except he can't. Each day it gets harder and harder to let it all go. Whenever Shiro proves to be the best person in this Universe, when Shiro's life is at stake and he doesn't know if he will come back alive — again —, Lance falls even deeper in this hopeless abism. Each day that he stirs the emotion within Lance.

Lance drags himself to bed, not bothering to put on any clothes. He lays there and thinks. Thinks until his eyes can't stay open anymore and it's almost time to wake up and carry his burden again.

*

Lance lands Blue in her platform harder than usual, the Castleship trembles with the force of it and he hears a displeased grumbling in the back of his head, which he brushes it off stubbornly. _Not now, Blue._

“Lance!” He hears Keith’s angry voice calling, but it doesn't stop him from walking out of the hangars.

“Lance.” Shiro uses his stern leader voice and, at that, Lance stops in his tracks. His body just can’t ignore Shiro.

“What?!” Lance growls, turning to the group with a glare.

“What do you mean _what_? You almost killed us back there!” Keith storms towards Lance, but Shiro holds him back with an arm. “And those citizens trusted you and you—”

“Yeah, I know.” Lance spits, cutting the other off.

“Is that it?! I know?”

“Keith. Enough.” Shiro reprimands.

“What do you want? An apology? Well that won't bring anyone back!” Yeah, he is being an asshole, maybe on purpose. Lance’s had it with Keith confronting him and Shiro’s favoritism, he’s had it of being crucified for his mistakes. He’s only human, dammit. “At least we’re alive.”

“You sick fuck—”

“I said _enough_ , Keith.” Shiro’s voice reverberates through the hangar and no one says a word. “I want to talk to Lance. Alone.”

Keith bumps hard on his shoulder on his way out, which only makes Lance even more livid. Hunk and Pidge don't look at his direction, which makes his blood boil a little less.

He has always avoided being alone with Shiro, his emotions on the edge of bursting, this time, though, Lance has no way out.

“I’m trying to be reasonable here, Lance, I really am. If it had been a mistake, a fault, I wouldn't have asked to talk to you alone. But I _feel_ you purposely drove your Lion crashing into that mountain that caused the landslide and killed—” Shiro stops and sighs.

“I don't know what you want me to say here, Shiro.” Lance exhales.

During the battle, Lance had lost it for a moment. Life felt so difficult for so long now, he was so tired, and the mountain was right there and everyone was busy fighting and protecting the people. No one would miss him, right? Lance didn't have in mind that everything would collapse on top of the village and he would survive the crash.

Lance looks up and sees the raw disappointment in Shiro’s eyes. He can't bare to keep eye contact.

“Don't you regret it?” Shiro asks, exasperated.

“Of course I do! Fuck,” Lance runs a hand over his sweaty, dirty face. “No one was supposed to get hurt,” _Except me_. “I just can't do anything different now! Believe me, I would give my all if— if I could bring those people back. But I can't.” He sighs, heavily. “So just let me be.”

“I expected you to be more careful! People died, Lance! Because of your negligence!” Shiro unexpectedly raises his voice. Lance has never seen him do that to one of the paladins.

“Negligence?!” He yells back. Lance should consider the fact that Shiro is also tired, but he’s not thinking clearly.

“You're too careless!” The yelling continues.

“Now hold up, cowboy. I’m not Keith.” Lance marches towards Shiro and points his finger accusingly at Shiro’s armored chest. “All I ever did was give my all do this fucking team which guess what? I don't even want to be part of! Call me stupid, foolish, childish. But do not— call me negligent.”

“Watch your tone.” Shiro glares at Lance, something he’s never done before. It takes Lance aback, so much he steps away. “I am your leader.”

"I am very sorry, Captain Shirogane." Lance stares into Shiro’s eyes, head high. If Shiro is going to bring ranks into this, then so will he. "With your permission, I will be leaving to my room now.”

But he doesn't wait for a command, he simply turns around and starts walking away. This has been the most he and Shiro ever talked and it's a goddamn fight. That hurts more than anything else.

“Lance wait—” Shiro gets a hold of his arm, trying to stop him on his way out.

“No.” Lance pulls from Shiro’s grip, hard. He looks over his shoulder and stares into Shiro’s hurt eyes. It hurts Lance too, but there is no other way. “I've had enough.”

Without stopping, he walks away from the hangars, hands curled into fists, teeth buried in his lips so hard it bleeds. Maybe this is the end. Maybe this fight is what Lance needs to move on.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are love! let me know if everything is running ok? its not supposed to be very detailed but i hope it's going somewhat smoothly,


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 3: above/below

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i'm lowkey late again, writing in a day is really hard for me.. idk if this fits the prompt very well but here it is! 
> 
> (this and all chapters are unbeta'ed so forgive me for any mistakes and feel free to point it out!)

All paladins sit around the control room after a small mission. Hunk and Keith chatting about something on the couch, Pidge, Allura and Coran discussing about the controls of the Castle, Lance leaning on the back of the couch and throwing something similar to a ball up in the air and catching it. Shiro is nowhere to be seen. Not that Lance wants to see him in any way, especially after he started calling him Captain, the atmosphere becomes too awkward.

But of course nothing is like Lance wishes, the door opens and no other than Shiro walks in.

“Nice job everyone,” He smiles beautifully at everyone in the room. “Let's rest until the next mission.”

“Shiro! Come here for a second,” Hunk waves his hand for Shiro to come closer. “Keith thinks Mothman would win over Godzilla. Please, tell him he is wrong.”

“It's like saying an eagle would win over a cat!" Keith throws his arms up in the air. The two paladins don't notice Shiro slowly backing away from them as they dive into the discussion again.

Shiro could have gone to Pidge, Allura or even Coran, but  _of course_ he comes to where Lance is absentmindedly throwing and catching the ball. 

_Mayday, mayday, mayday,_

“Lance,” Shiro hesitantly calls him. “Can I speak to you?”

 _No_.

Lance holds the ball in his hands firmly. “Yes, Captain.” 

Shiro winces at the formality, Lance holds back from doing the same. They walk together to a corner, Shiro feeling like a magnet that Lance has to fight to not get closer to.

“About that… Can you not call me Captain? It's really off putting,” Shiro scratches his chin rather adorably. “We are all teens fighting in a giant robot away from home, you know?”

Lance had insisted on calling Shiro their Captain for a week now. It got weird looks from the other the first few days, yet only Hunk asked about it to Lance in private. He didn't really have a good reply to it, but he is stubborn and would keep the Captain act up for however long he needs.

“I’m sorry, Captain, but you made your point very clear the other day. You are the leader.”

“I was just saying I’m the head of Voltron and—”

“I get it. You're above, I’m below.” Lance cuts him off, shrugging. “It's all about that now.”

Lance wants to pick a fight again, one so big Shiro won't even look at him again. Because Shiro trying to make things better only makes them worse. 

“No, that's not what I’m trying to say,” Shiro grunts, frustrated. “I’m really bad with this kind of thing,” He gives Lance an awkward laugh.

Lance’s look softens against his will and his heart aches. “Yeah, I know,” Lance knows all about Shiro very well. Shiro gives him a puzzled look with half a smile. Lance clears his throat. "I understand, Captain, but I made myself very clear. Anyways, I have to uh— check on Hunk in the kitchen. Excuse me, Captain.” 

“Lance?” Shiro calls, frowning. 

“Uh— yeah, Captain?” Lance turns back to Shiro. It's so unfair how stunning he looks in armor.

“Hunk is right there.” Shiro points to the couch in the middle of the room with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Oh, right!” Lance yelps, his cheeks getting warm. “Then I’ll go, uh— there. Yeah. Captain.” He nods as an acknowledgment and exits the room as fast as he can, slapping his own forehead on the way out.

It's forget-Shiro time, not get-embarrassed-and-stumble-in-front-of-Shiro time, dammit. Lance should find out if there is some kind of space vodka around here, he _really_ needs a drink or two — or three.

*

It's disturbing — disorienting, how fast it all happens.

In a second, Shiro is telling them to form Voltron, in another, there is a whole fleet of ships attacking each Lion and Shiro is flying straight to the gigantic Galra ship in the middle of it all.

“Shiro, come back!” Keith yells into the intercom. 

“There is a magnetic field pulling the Black Lion towards the bigger ship!” Pidge informs. “Shiro, can you hear us?”

They wait, but there is no answer. Shiro’s connection is lost and the Lion is getting closer and closer to the enemy’s hangar.

“Shiro!” Lance yells as he dives Blue into space, ready to crash his whole Lion against the ship that has Shiro and Black held in a magnetic field. It may not work, it may barely cause any damage, but he can't just stand there and watch. He has to _try_ and _do_ something. He is not going to lose Shiro a second time.

“Lance, stop!” He barely registers Hunk’s voice through the intercom, mind completely focused on getting to the ship in front of him in time.

Blue crashes against it once, the impact is so strong the seatbelts of the Lion hammer against his chest and leaves him breathless for a moment. “Again,” He tells Blue, coughing dryly. She grumbles disapprovingly but Lance doesn't care, not now.

There's a second crash, a third, but no damage is being done. Only maybe to Lance, who by now has a disjointed shoulder, blood in his mouth, a sharp pain on the back of his head and a complete sense of hopelessness he thought he would never feel again. Shiro is being taken from him right in front of his eyes and he can't do _shit._

“Lance, get away from the ship!” Allura pops up on the screen, her face a mask of concern and authority. “They are about to get into a wormhole and it would be extremely dangerous if you happened to go with it!”

He starts giggling, and it scales into a full laughter. Lance must have lost it for real, at least Allura looks at him like he has. “Do I look like I care about how dangerous it is, Allura?” He looks at her on the screen, she looks back at him pitifully. “If I can't get him back I might as well die.”

Lance turns off the screen and Allura is gone. He grips hard on the controls of the Lion until hurts his knuckles. He _must_ try, even if it's the last thing he does.

He sees the wormhole starting to open atop of the ship and he pulls the controls forward full force as a last attempt, heart running miles per second.

Except his Lion doesn't move an inch.

“Blue?” Lance asks in confusion. The ship that captured Shiro is starting to move inside the wormhole. “Blue! _Move_!” He yells, shoving the control to all sides brutally and pressing every button he can reach. “ _MOVE_ , _DAMMIT!_ ” Lance slams his fists on the control panel with such strength and frustration and anger it cracks.

But his Lion has stopped responding completely. _Fuck sentient space robot Lions that worry for their paladins._

Lance watches the ship disappeared into a wormhole right in front of his eyes, with Shiro in it.

" _No!_ " Keith yells.

“He’s…” Pidge whispers.

The realization that Shiro is gone _again_ hits Lance immediately.

He feels like something is piercing through armor, cutting his skin, opening his rib cage, snatching his heart and ripping it apart so very slowly. Lance lets out a pained sob, hot tears flowing freely until it blur his vision.

In an outbreak of pain and despair, Lance takes off his helmet and throws it around the cockpit. His hands clutch to his hair, pulling it hard, he needs to be sure this is _real._

The pain is absolutely excruciating.

Until this moment, Lance has set his mind on never telling Shiro about their past together, but right now, not talking to Shiro about it is his biggest regret. And that stupid Captain shit he pulled in the past week, just out of spite.

“ _Fuck, fuck, fuck!”_ Lance screams the word over and over again, louder each time. He screams incoherently, on the top of his lungs, as if that would take the pain away — or bring Shiro back.

He throws his head back and it hits the Lion’s seat hard. _This is not happening. Not again. Not again._ He repeats it in his head.

The loud sobs and screams turn into quiet whimpers and sniffles. It hurts _so much_ , Lance doesn't know what to do anymore, this is not how he wants to let go of Shiro. Lance doesn't want to let him go at all.

A moment later he feels Blue moving again, taking him towards the Castleship. Lance feels very guilty about how he treated his Lion, always so loyal to him, there are no excuses to that.

“I’m sorry, girl,” He whispers and strokes the cracked control panel. “Thank you.” A soft sound in his head tells him Lance it's all fine.

When Blue lands in her hangar, Lance stays inside her for a while, taking his time to breathe as best as he could and wipe the tears away. He swallows the blood in his mouth, grunts from the pain on his shoulder when he gets up, and slowly walks out of his Lion, helmet in hands and head down in defeat and heartbreak.

Hunk, Pidge, Allura and Coran await him as soon as he gets out, all faces twisted in concern. Keith has already gone inside.

“Lance…” Pidge reaches for him, but Lance lifts a hand, stopping them. He smiles weakly and they nod in understanding.

“We’ll get him back, buddy,” Hunk nods his head, determined.

“Fuck yeah, we will,” He grunts, voice sore from yelling and crying. “Or we’re gonna die trying.”

Lance will get Shiro back safely, even if it costs his life, and he would settle this once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be from shiro's pov!!
> 
> comments are love! let me know if everything is running somewhat smoothly
> 
> psa for those who read my shance hogwarts au: i'll be updating it after shangst week is over! the third chapter is the only one i haven't written anything for yet, i have to start it from zero so it takes a while,,


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 4: captivity/gladiatior ring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm very very late but i had zero inspiration until 3am. it's 4:30am now, i'm tired and this is the fastest i've ever written so forgive me for any mistakes,, 
> 
> (this and all chapters are unbeta'ed so feel free to point out any mistakes!)

If not for the very low temperature of the cell and the sharp pain on his left side, Shiro wouldn't have woken up just yet, he would have waited for the soldiers to come and kick him awake. It’s what he deserves for failing his team, his Lion.

“Get up.” The soldier on his left commands.

Shiro doesn't make any mention of moving from the hard floor. 

“I said _get up_.” The Galra kicks him on the ribs again, harder, pain is so much it takes his breath away, he feels it ten times more without his armor. But that's okay, he deserves this kind of treatment after letting everyone that believed in him down. 

After two more kicks and Shiro still showing no hint of getting up, the two soldiers grab him by the arms and abruptly pull him up to his feet, shoving at his shoulder and forcing him walk out of the cell.

Up until now, the realization that he is back in that prison, that nightmare, had not sunk. But as Shiro starts to walk through the dark, cold corridors, his brain, still dazed from the pain and fight, registers his surroundings and connects it with past memories he fought so hard to bury. As they make their way further into the ship, Shiro’s guts start boiling and rolling and revolving inside him. The pain on his ribs, the physical exhaustion, and the emotional trauma make the Black Paladin physically sick.

He needs to get out of these as fast as possible and find his Lion, he can't allow them to do anything else to him, to Black. Not again. He needs to calm down, think straight, acting on impulse would not help. 

Shiro takes a deep breath, forces his mind take a different course, to not focus on the walls around him that seem to be getting smaller by the second. 

It's not a surprise — not anymore — to him that when he closes his eyes for a moment he sees the only face he’s been able to think of the past few months. Oh, how Shiro misses those blue eyes, how he will give anything to see them again in colors. The overly accelerated beating of his heart slows down and the horrible feeling in his guts get a little less unpleasant. 

It's undeniable that Shiro has had a crush on Lance since he was saved from the Garrison. That moment he decided that Lance was the most beautiful person he had ever set eyes on, and most people would definitely agree with him. It’s astounding how comfortable Shiro was around Lance, how easy Lance could break through his walls in a heartbeat. Because of that, Shiro had to double watch himself whenever he was around Lance. It was too easy to give in, forget about leadership and just drown.

But Lance, always within reach, felt so far. Shiro felt it in his core that Lance was so much more than what the Blue Paladin was letting through, and he wanted to explore it. However, it's hard to do that when Lance often changed subject or ran away when they were alone, and Shiro knew damn well when someone wasn’t interested. It's not like they would work, anyways. 

Shiro is taken from his thoughts when the two soldiers abruptly stop and push him through a door, which immediately shuts as soon as he steps inside. The room is only darkness, there isn't a sound either, and not even the memory of Lance could calm Shiro’s boiling anxiety.

A moment later, a door in front of him is open, loud cheering sounds and light invade the small room.

_No. No, no, no, no,_

“Let’s welcome back, The Champion!” 

Shiro shrinks in his black undersuit and retreats to the back of the room like a caged animal. He can't go in there again, he can't kill again. 

There's a comforting rumble in the back of his mind that says ‘you got this’. _Black_. A wave of relief takes over Shiro and it’s the best freaking feeling ever. _She's okay_. 

Shiro smiles, an odd thing to do at a situation like this, but he’s feeling determined like never before. He has to fight, that's the only thing in his head. He has to fight for everyone. For Earth, for the Universe, for his family, for Black, for his team, for Lance, for himself. His life can not end in a filthy Galra arena. 

Shiro is not here again, he has never been here. A frightened teenager lost in space? Yes, he’s been there, and fought and lost and won. The Black Paladin, leader of Voltron? No. After all, he’s never been captured before. 

His right hand, the weapon the Galra gave him, warms up until it glows purple. Killing a Galra with their own technology would feel delightful.

*

Shiro spends hours going in and out of that small, dark room, in and out of the arena. It starts getting to him, the blood, the guttural screams, the physical wear, he is dirty and his undersuit is ragged. He’s weak, and if he were to try an escape right now he would fail miserably. The plan isn't going very accordingly.

For the first time since the soldiers dumped him there, the back door opens and comes inside a hooded figure.

“Hello, Champion.” That voice, so very familiar. 

“You,” Shiro chokes out. All air of the room seems for have vanished, he can't breathe.

“I have a gift for my favorite creation.” Her voice echoes through the metal walls as she lifts her hands and her powers take over Shiro.

The pain is just like he remembers, his screams are just as loud. Flashes of memories run through his head in a rush, they feel foreigner, like somebody else’s memories, like a whole other life that belonged to anyone but him. Except Shiro would recognize those blue eyes anywhere. 

“Do you remember now, Champion?” Hagar’s wicked laughter fades away in the back of his mind as Shiro feels hot tears run down his cheek and a void in his chest.

His legs give in and he falls to his knees, hands curled up in fists that meet the ground violently again and again and again until his human hand bleeds and his throat is sore from screaming his sorrows away. But it doesn't really go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first time i write shiro and i'm super tired so don't judge me 
> 
> comments are love!! let me know how this turned out


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 5: pride/fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (late, again)
> 
> (don't know if this fits the theme, again)
> 
> (it's unbeta'ed, again)

Lance hasn’t been able to sleep for more than an hour since Shiro’s capture, he’s too busy looking at the rescue plan over and over again, checking if there isn’t any faults, worrying over what the Galra are doing to their leader. It takes the team two days — or the equivalent of that in space — to get ready for the mission to safely get Shiro back, and Lance becomes the head of it all on accident. The others let him, surprisingly taking the Blue Paladin very seriously when he adds more authority to his voice and cast the jokes aside. Lance can’t help but ask himself if Shiro would be proud.

Now the _Voltron_ team is a few minutes from attacking a whole Galra fleet without the Black Lion, which means they can’t form _Voltron._ Easy peasy.

“Lance, I’m in position,” Hunk informs.

“Keith, Allura, how’s everything over there?” Lance checks.

"We’re ready,”

The plan is simple, yet would be very effective if everything goes accordingly. Hunk will blast a hole where the Black Lion is landed and Keith, being the most skilled pilot with the fastest Lion will fly in with Allura and take the Black Lion back to the Castleship. This will be a distraction for the Galra to clear the cell blocks so Lance and Pidge would have less trouble making their to find Shiro and bring him back.

“I’m sending over the Black Lion’s coordinates,” Pidge’s voice shows as much determination as everyone else. They’re all ready to get their leader back.

“Got it,” Keith confirms.

“Let’s blow a few things up,” Hunk says, and almost immediately there’s the loud sound of an explosion.

“Pidge,” Lance is already flying his Lion to the other side of the ship.

“I’m right behind you,”

They wait for a moment — that feels like entirely too long — to cut a circle of the ship’s skin and slip inside, leaving their Lions outside. Both paladins make their way to the cell blocks as fast as they can, Pidge’s scans of the ship helping them to get there. It really doesn’t take long for them to find Shiro’s cell — aliens are very organized when it comes to their prisoners.

“Shiro!” Lance lets out the breath he has been holding.

Shiro looks up from the floor and his eyes widen when they meet Lance’s. The other looks pretty beaten up, Lance must admit; ragged clothes, dirty and bloody face. But they’ve found him and now he’s _safe._

“Lance?” Shiro’s voice is hoarse, he looks at Lance like he is a ghost, like he can't really be there. And along with that there’s hurt, too much hurt for someone like Shiro to bare. “Is it really you this time?”

Lance’s heart sinks.  _This time._ Has Shiro been having hallucinations of being rescued in these two days they’ve waited to save him? What have the Galra done to him? Are they too late?

“It’s me really, buddy,” His voice is calm, much different from what Lance is really feeling inside. “Now let’s get out of here.”

“You're here,” Shiro says, stunned, still looking at Lance as if he's a mirage. 

“Of course, Shiro, we all are,” Lance frowns at the weird behavior. “We came to rescue you.”

“Oh,” Shiro seems to be understanding what is going on, the engines turning in his head. “Right.”

“Guys! We can't hold them any longer!” Hunk's worries voice comes through.

“Let's get this over with.” Lance in leads their way out of the cell blocks, bayard ready to fire, with their leader finally back in the team.

*

Standing right in front of the healing pod might not be the best of ideas, but how could Lance possibly take his eyes off of Shiro when he just got him back? It's been such a long time since Lance has actually _looked_ at Shiro this closely, he's forgotten how addicting it is once you start. Along with his family, Shiro is the thing Lance misses the most. How can he miss someone that is right there beside him all the time is beyond him, though.

Looking at Shiro's peaceful face, Lance is aware that he will have to confront the other about their past rather sooner than later. It just can’t be kept a secret anymore, not with the uncertainty of the future and how tiring it is to hide it. It will be for the best if they put all the cards on the table and solved this once and for all, Lance could finally move on.

Except the same old habit from back at the Garrison still clings to him, all the what ifs whispering in his ears the endless possibilities. It makes fear curl its claws around his throat, for worse than boiling up his emotions is having Shiro not look at him ever again.

But this is not just Lance’s story, it’s also Shiro’s. It’s selfish and unfair that he’s been hiding a part of the other’s own past from him, especially when Shiro struggles to regain his memory to this day. Lance has to tell it, he owes this to Shiro.

At that moment, the healing pod just a few feet away from him opens and Shiro stumbles forward groggily.

“Shiro,” Lance gasps and hurries to the other’s side for support.

“Lance,” Shiro sighs, his body leaning onto Lance’s.

“Oh, God, you’re heavy,” Lance grunts as he tries to support Shiro’s weight on his arms. “Could use a little help but everyone is in the main room so you’ll have to work with me, buddy.”

“Just… give me a moment and I’ll be fine to walk on my own.” Shiro closes his eyes and frowns.

Silence falls over the room and only their breathing can be heard. It’s not like before, where the lack of sound wouldn’t be unpleasant, now it’s tense and unsettling, like there’s a bigger elephant in the room.

“Listen, I know you just got out of a kidnapping and a magical alien healing pod, but uh— can we talk later?” Lance bites his lip. “It’s important and I’ve waited too long. I will wait until you feel like, 99% better, just letting you know that I _really_ need to talk to you. So if I don’t you should come and pressure me with your leader voice and I’ll spit it out. Okay?”  

“Uh, well…” Shiro hesitates, pulling away from him, but still holding onto Lance’s shoulder for some support. “Yeah, sure uh— when I have time.”

Lance frowns at Shiro’s unusual behavior, but it must be from the pod or the trauma from being captured again, so he finds it better to let it go. At least he has made progress and actually took some kind of initiative, that’s the further he’s ever managed to go.

“Great,” Lance yelps, back to his goofy self in order to try and cheer Shiro up a little. “Now let’s go meet the others and get something for you to eat, you must be starving, I bet Galra food is disgusting. Not that Altean food goo is much better, though.”

Lance can't help but get excited over the expectation of a future where he doesn't have to battle with himself every day. Hopefully, him and Shiro could put what happened on Earth behind them and move on. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> narrator voice: but nothing is that easy... 
> 
>    
> i'm sorry this was so short and boring aaaaaaa the theme was really hard to fit in the story and it's super late :( let me know what you think, if everything is going alright!
> 
> btw find me on twitter (@shircganes) and tumblr (@shancepng)!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 6: miscommunication/secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, aren’t i late? but better late than never i suppose 
> 
> so, i really wanted to finish this and give closure cause as an avid fic reader i hate when the ones i like are unfinished. so i owe this to whoever likes & still expects an ending for this one!! 
> 
> this was supposed to have two more chapters but knowing myself i’d never finish it. so i shortened the story up i hope you guys don’t mind..

Lance should have predicted that Shiro has more important thing to do, like lead the only team who can save the entire Universe from an evil civilization, instead of having a talk with him.

He spent a week trying to be alone with Shiro but the other always seemed to be busy whenever Lance approached him, it started to feel like he was trying to avoid Lance, which is completely possible considering how he had acted before Shiro’s capture.

Luck — or not — must be in his favor because as he turns around the corner of the hallway he sees Shiro entering the elevator in his usual casual clothes.

“Shiro, wait!” Lance calls, running to catch up to the other before the elevator’s doors close. “Hold it for me!”

Shiro looks back and stares almost agape at Lance, not moving at all to hold the door. Okay, maybe he is avoiding Lance. He fastens his pace, not willing to let this _talk_ be postponed any further. They really needed to set things straight.

“How you doing?” He manages to speak, a little out of breath from basically running. When Shiro doesn’t answer, he continues. “So, about what I mentioned when you came out from the healing pods…”

Lance swallows hard. He’s been revising his speech over and over again, all the time, like cramming for an exam, but now that the time has come it’s like his brain turned off — and being next to Shiro, feeling all that stuff in his gut doesn't help at all. _Fucking great_.

“I don’t even know how to say this…” He mumbles, aware that Shiro can hear it in the almost suffocating silence surrounding them. “You may think that when Pidge, Hunk and I rescued you from the Garrison and started this entire space adventure thing was when we first met, but—“

Jesus Christ, this is so much harder than he thought it would be. It’s like one wrong word chaos will run loose and everything will be lost forever, and that’s not a nice feeling at all.

“I know.” Shiro croaks out, voice husky with _something_.

Lance shakes his head in exasperation. “No, Shiro, you don’t—”

“Lance.” The other interrupts. “I know. I remember.”

Lance must have missed something in the past few days because Shiro could not possibly be talking about what Lance thinks he’s talking about. It’s not possible, is it? He lost his memory. He lost his memory of _Lance_.

“What?” He whispers. They must be talking about completely different things.

In front of them, the elevator’s doors open but neither take a step forward as a mention to leave. Eventually, the doors close again and they’re in complete silence.

“I remember us, all of it.” Shiro’s pained expression mirrors Lance’s own. “The first time I was captured, Haggar took away my memories of you slowly to torture me, because they were my most precious ones. This last time, she gave them back to hurt me again. And guess what? It worked.” He chuckles bitterly.

It stings Lance’s heart. “Why… didn’t you tell me?”

He would feel betrayed if he had the right to. But he is the one who hid a whole part of Shiro’s life, so it isn’t his place to feel that way. It doesn’t make him less upset about it, though.

“Why didn’t _you_ tell me?” Shiro accuses.

“I had a fair share of reasons,” He laughs humorlessly. If it only it had been easy to just _tell_. “After you got captured I didn’t know if I was ever going to see you again. I had so many regrets regarding… this— _us_. I couldn’t let it happened twice. That’s why I asked to have a talk with you, but you clearly avoided me.” Lance huffs in annoyance, trying to not show how difficult and hurtful this is for him. He still doesn’t know if Shiro cares as much as he does.

“Just…” Shiro drops his arms to his sides, helplessly. “If I’m so important to you why did you hide it for so long?”

“You are important to me! That is why I didn’t want to burden you with… this!” Lance gestures between them. “You have too much to worry about, you don’t need my unrequited puppy love adding to that list.”

“Unrequited?”

“Oh, please.” Lance looks up, fighting back tears. Here comes what he’s been trying to avoid since the very start. “We both know you were going to break things off that night, Shiro, don’t lie. I didn’t want to hear it back then and I still don’t want to hear it now, but I had to tell you ‘cause wanting or not it was a part of your life. I know you want to remember things and this might have helped.”

“Lance…” Shiro sighs, turning his body to look at him. Lance can’t do the same, so he turns his back.

“Let’s just forget it, okay?” His voice is just above a whisper. He’s so tired and sad. Somehow this feels worse than hiding everything. “We’ve both moved on.”

There’s a pause, probably just a few ticks, but it feels like an eternity. _God_ , Lance is going to suffocate.

“I clearly haven’t.” That is the last thing he expected to hear from Shiro.

“What do you mean ‘ _clearly haven’t_ ’?” Lance snaps his body to face Shiro now, exasperated, trying to make some reason out of what the other is saying. “You remembered and still avoided me. That, in my language, is _clearly have_.”

“I was scared.” Shiro blurts. He looks as desperate and upset, and it makes Lance feel awful. “I… I had feelings for you even before I remembered us. You were just so— bright. You made me feel light and normal and safe. I didn’t understand any of it, how could I have these feelings for someone I barely knew. When it all came back I was so happy, you were actually mine at some point.” He laughs sadly. “But I was a different person back then. So much have changed, _I_ changed. You could never be with the person I am now.”

At this point Lance has stopped trying not to cry. His heart is swollen with so much affection, happiness, disbelief, relief and most of all — _love_ , he feels like it’s actually going to explode. Cause of death: Takashi Shirogane.

“You—“ Lance clears his throat, a smile reluctantly pushing its way. “This is the most words about your feelings I’ve ever heard you say.”

Shiro laughs and takes a tentative step closer. Lance won’t object. In fact, he’s holding himself back from jumping into this wonderful man’s arms and drown in nostalgia and joyness.

“That night I was actually going to ask you to be my boyfriend.” Shiro breaks out a gorgeous, dazzling smile, it makes Lance dizzy and weak on the knees. “But if I’m not mistaken — please do correct me, I lost my memories after all —, you didn’t let me say it.”

“I thought you didn’t like me that way! It’s not my fault!” Lance plays defensively, but he’s smiling even bigger, it seems to be the only thing he can do right now.

“I did, and I do like you that way.”

That’s it. That’s the final straw. He _will_ jump on this man.

“Does this mean… we are a thing now?” Lance is practically bouncing off his feet, his heart ready to beat the record of the highest jump in the universe.

“We can be anything you want us to be, but boyfriends sound pretty good, doesn't it? Better than Captain and Cadet.” Shiro winces at the mention of how Lance had called him a week before, but Lance ignores it, he’s too busy running into the man’s arm and squeezing the life out of him.

Wrapping his arms around Shiro after almost two years is _blissful_. The warmth he immediately feels and the frantic beating of his heart takes Lance’s entire breath away, he’s scared he’s going to die from just a hug. But _Jesus_ , all those times Lance had imagined touching Shiro again don’t even compare to the real thing. It’s so relieving and _good_ it fucking hurts. He’s never going to let go of Shiro again.

His emotions had been trapped in a cage for so long, that now that they’re finally free Lance can’t stop crying. He cries and feels and aches for the man he loves. And Shiro loves him _back_.

After however long they stayed in that so awaited embrace, Lance lifts his head to look up at Shiro, puffy and red-eyed.

“I hate that we could have been together since I found you again, we wasted so much time,” He sniffs.

“Hey, we’ve got each other now, that’s all that matters,” Shirro presses their forehead together, an old habit that Lance has always loved — and missed so much. “I’m not letting you go, we’ve got all the time in the universe.”

Whatever Lance could say couldn’t be enough — _words_ just weren’t enough. His only instinct is to lean forward and seal their lips together, sending a shock down his body and making it all go numb from raw happiness.

The only thing his mind can focus is that they’re finally — and officially — together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so much for reading
> 
> special heads up if u even read this last chapter cause its been so long i dont think anyone still remembers this


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